it is better to burn out than to fade away. i'm burnt out. going to write else where. RIP teenage life!

now i come right before you with my hands lifted up and my heart humbly bowed at your work on the cross as you hung there and died

awhile after i smoked i took a slow walk around and found a place to sit and read. i read for an hour in serene silence apart from the occasional domestic worker taking dogs for walks. a ginger cat was sleeping with its face on its little paws and when i left to go home for dinner i found it had hardly changed its posture. a beautiful lady walked the same direction as me. she had on torn jeans, a cardigan and running shoes. green running shoes. walking behind her i watched how every man she passed stopped for a moment to look at her. she is probably used to it.
at night i was sitting at the pub with some high strung guys talking about yawn army and yawn soccer. what was really funny was one of the guys there looked like a mash up between juan sebestian veron and david blaine. i was so high and stoned i expected him to levitate.
then i looked away, out of the window. the outside sky looked like a stellar nursery and i wanted to be part of it. i wanted to jump out of the fucking window so badly. something needed to happen and jumping out of the fucking window seemed like the best thing to do at that point in time. it was simple, i just had to get a good footing on the ledge and jump as hard as i could i would be part of the sky. truthfully, what would i say to the pub patrons i land on? how many bones will i break? maybe i'd swallow my tongue and choke to death mid-air. but maybe not i don't think i'd die from a height like that. i'd definitely drink some beer if i do jump out of the fucking window. the fucking window.. he taps me on the shoulder with a lighter. you know bro, i feel like burning my fucking face off. i just want to burn the motherfucker! i ask him why he would want to do that and he says he just feels like doing it, and he wants to burn his face until you can see the bone underneath. it is funny he mentioned that the first thing would burn is his beard.

even though i was high like a fly on a giraffes head last night, i woke up at 0800, 5 hours after sleeping at 0300. the easier i sleep the earlier i wake up it seems. the weather now is perfect for listening to some pink floyd or jimi hendrix.
today is a friday, that means it is going to be a nice day it already is a fantastic afternoon. hopefully i'll sleep easy tonight, because saturday is probably going to be lovely as well. i can't wait to read the financial times life and arts section every weekend. every article is written with such feeling and the language used is powerful. succinct it is not though, the articles are long and winding, but that is what makes it so lovely i guess.
she asked me whether the cucumber she found in the fridge was the one i've been telling her about, and i said yes, that is the juicy yummy japanese cucumber i've been telling you about. she said oh, ok, and then without any hesitation at all took a generous bite. umm ok its ok la she said. she took her stuff and went upstairs and i followed behind with the heavy blue noisy ice box. she turns on the lights in the room but not the fan, places her pouch on the table, and starts looking for the AC remote control, finding it very quickly. she pushes down on the faded purple rubber button and the AC comes to life for the rest of the night and into the morning.

the curtains drawn
the winter sunn
makes patttttttterns on your faccee
it lookfs like some
kaleidescccccopic
brrreathinggg excercise

i brought my grandparents out for lunch on tuesday. they arrived 15 minutes late, 15 minutes after noon, because grandma had to inflate her car tyres. my grandparents are old man. my grandfather is much slower now and he doesn't talk as much but he's still funny. he still eats a lot if that is any consolation.
we sat at the food court talking for nearly two hours. grandma just got her driving license renewed for another five years, allowing her to drive till she is 88. but she drives quite dangerously her eyesight isn't too good. but not bad for an 83 year old. drives safer than karin, aged 20. karin drives like she thinks she is in a monster truck rally, grand prize, 4 cases of beer.

it is so good it is a shame to smoke it..it is like killing a unicorn